sunny days

Jun. 23, 2009

June 11th

Lately my only expectation is for a sunny day. I like to go outside and lay on the grass and have the warmness ease the cutting wind. I stay there for a long while thinking about nothing. It’s pretty quiet here. I enjoy that very much. The land is wide and I sit right in the middle. The walls keep me from seeing the outside, the trees keep me from seeing most of the walls. It’s as though I’m sitting still in time and because of that I can just keep quiet to my heart’s content. The more I do it, the harder I crave it, the more it’s the only thing I ever crave for. Except change… which makes no sense. I fear I’m losing all reason. Is this an assurance that I’m not? I often have thoughts that express a lack of sanity, a feeling of disassociation from my own life. I wonder if the ability to recognize this means I’m still able of reaching the right judgement. Maybe what I really fear is failing this test. Meanwhile I hope for a sunny day tomorrow.